Infidelity

Whatever words we choose, it’s a painful topic.

Infidelity can be described as cheating, stepping out, crossing a boundary, or breaking a sacred trust. The result is pain for both of you.

And you wonder if you can ever overcome this and return to the simple trust that used to be one of the foundations of your relationship. “Will I ever feel safe in trusting my partner? Will they ever trust me again? Can I win back their trust?”

Infidelity creates a place of tremendous vulnerability, making it challenging to overcome.

Re-establishing trust and safety is a journey, but it can be done.

Start a journey to a relationship of peace, love, and trust.

Many couples have succeeded, and they have succeeded because they committed to doing the work.

Looking at your relationship and seeing your vulnerabilities is a journey of courage. That’s different for every couple and every relationship. Some couples may have been unaware of their vulnerabilities, and others may need to explore and uncover unforeseen vulnerabilities. Alternatively, some may be more aware of what went wrong.

It takes courage to look at the things you avoided discussing as a couple, or things that are too unpleasant or scary to look at or discuss. But now, there’s a reason for upping your game. You want to SAVE your relationship. That is a good reason. And very motivating for many people.

Most people find it scary to face the reality that their partner may not forgive them, or don’t know if they can forgive themselves. The thought of ending the relationship is often too painful to contemplate. The alternative is to commit to healing the pain and exploring the deeper issues.

Many things can make the motivation to heal stronger.

You love each other and have shared a meaningful life for years. Giving up your dreams and an enjoyable social life is not what you want. You share mutual families and friends you love and don’t want to lose them (or make the relationships more complicated).

You have children, don’t want to have to share them, see them only part-time, or have your children go through the upset or trauma of a divorce.

The financial cost of separation or divorce could be a huge barrier.

Any of these factors can affect a couple’s motivation to figure out how to ‘save their relationship,’ but for most couples, the first one is the most important: ‘You still love each other.’

You need a guide for this journey.

Because this journey usually involves a lot of pain and difficult feelings, having an experienced guide can make it less challenging.

There can be anger and rage on behalf of the partner who feels betrayed. That betrayal can often create self-doubt about how s/he could have missed certain things.

And there can be pain on the part of the partner who cheated. It hurts to face the pain, anger, and hurt of their partner. If that’s your role, you may ask yourself, “How could I do this?” The answer is essential because that is where your vulnerabilities often are.

Finding the answers to this question and the negative feelings that arise from infidelity works better with a guide.

There is good news!

If you do the work and get to know yourself and your partner better, your relationship will be stronger.

Through therapy, you will learn to communicate more deeply and thoroughly, so you can build an understanding and appreciation for each other that creates a deeper trust than ever.

After doing the work to go deeper, you will have a stronger and more mature relationship than before, one stronger in the broken places.

As individuals and partners, you will be more compassionate, understanding, and resilient. This will allow you both to upgrade to a higher functioning self and relationship.