It’s interesting how something from our past often recurs in some way with new meaning.
When I was about ten or eleven, my mother kept several of her women’s magazines on our living room coffee table. I was a curious child and read anything I could get my hands on. Some of the things I read were beyond my years.
Redbook Magazine was of special interest to me because of a monthly column called Can This Marriage Be Saved? It seems ironic to me today that I somehow found that column. I was in awe of what I read.
On the left side of the page, one partner described the problem from his or her perspective, and the other described the issue from the other side. The two perspectives were very different; in each case, the person telling his or her viewpoint sounded like an innocent party.
It was presented as if each partner’s life was hard because of the other partner’s flaws or challenging ways. At that young, naive age, I would read one person’s description and feel so bad for them that they had to deal with such a difficult partner. I bought into the innocence of this person sharing their story.
Then, I would read the partner’s description and be confused. How could both stories be true? And who was to blame? I didn’t even know how to begin to figure it out.
From my perspective, it’s like a dormant part of me was waiting to be awakened. It would be a while before this was clear to me, but in retrospect, the Can This Marriage Be Saved? The column offered a window into that dormant part of me that would come alive as an adult.
Now, of course, with my training in couples work, my experience working with couples, and my own personal growth work, I understand that for healing to take place, each partner needs to focus on their own part in the challenges in the relationship. They need to focus on how they need to grow personally, not on what’s wrong with the other person and how the other person needs to change.
I can smile now, thinking of the young me being intrigued by something she didn’t understand. I still find it all fascinating, but only with more understanding and perspective.
Here I am now, having come full circle. The 11-year-old in me is still fascinated by the complexities of relationships, and the adult in me, with lots of experience in my own life and in working with couples, now has a perspective and a deeper understanding of the dynamics of relationships. I feel honored to hold the space for anyone who is willing to go on this journey of awareness.
Have you had an experience of coming full circle? Remembering now a younger part of you that was the early beginning of an adult interest or passion before you even knew the real meaning of what you were interested in?
